This will make you smile (Warning- a little off color)

[Damon Nabors]

Don't ask a retired guy a dumb question...

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Iams Dog Food for my loyal pet, Abby, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Iams Diet" again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had sat down in the middle of the street to lick my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. The cashier dropped my change.

[Gary Puckett]

YOU DIDN'T

Gary

[DanEpps]

YOU DIDN'T

Gary

Didn't what...sit in the middle of the street?

[DanEpps]

That sort of reminds me of a story told by the late great Lewis Grizard, columnist for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Lewis and his friend Bubba were avid University of Georgia football fans. The school's mascot is an English Bulldog named, appropriately, Uga.

Lewis and Bubba we at the game, sitting on the 50 yard line. Uga's handler was parading him back and forth on the sideline when Uga sat down and, in Lewis' words, "began to lick himself where dogs are prone to lick." He continued "Bubba looked at Uga and said 'I wish I could do that'. I said 'that dog would bite you'."

[Gary Puckett]

Tell that story while at Wal-Mart while people staired with anticipation.

Gary

[Peter Walsh]

LOL.
Big laugh
Thanks
regards,